![]() ![]() Also, they might see their ability to do a complicated math problem or play Rachmaninoff as evidence of their universal, essential exceptionality. Children can easily metabolize that type of praise as pressure and raise the bar on themselves. But don’t emphasize how unique or brilliant they are, explained Sylvia Rimm, child psychologist and author of a number of books on gifted education. Kids can be celebrated for their passion, their grit, their dedication. The focus is on connection and meaning, not cultivating a walking, talking humblebrag who’s never known what it is to live without one’s achievements on display. ![]() These parents see their child’s gifts as a way to ground their children in the world, as opposed to a way to help them rise up above it. Hulbert said stories about parents of autistic savants are helpful in understanding how this works. Striking the right note of enthusiastic support with a gifted child requires parents to follow the children’s lead. “The chances are great that it’s all not going to work out the way you expect.” “Whether or not a child breaks milestones early is not much of an augury of anything,” Hulbert said, explaining that parents should support their kids but keep expectations at a minimum – and avoid projecting their own desires onto their kids. Parents of all kids, though perhaps especially those labeled as “promising,” shouldn’t ignore the fact that tomorrow will not necessarily look or feel like today. Success requires a lot of hard work and talent, yes, but it also requires a lot of luck. Perhaps more important, circumstances change and are largely out of our control. Maternal gatekeeping: Why moms don't let dads help Exceptionality might fade to proficiency motivation might curdle into frustration or boredom interests might lose their appeal. The dominant lesson that emerges from the collection of life stories unfolded in Hulbert’s book is a familiar one: life, and the people living it, can surprise us. Parents can avoid the shift into manager mode by focusing on what brings their children joy and a sense of satisfaction, rather than acclaim. “The notion that they are on a path is not that helpful and to treat it as one that is in your power to script in a clear-cut way is not ideal,” Hulbert said. The goal is to keep them engaged.Īnn Hulbert, author of “ Off the Charts: The Hidden Lives and Lessons of American Prodigies,” advises parents to be aware of the difference between supporting gifted children to create their own story and writing their story for them. Maybe this happens through an app, a local club or weekly chats about geometry or poetry at the kitchen table. If a school isn’t able to meet a child’s educational needs, Islas said, parents should seek out alternative forms of enrichment. This means using different strategies that are sometimes above the norm for a student’s age group,” Islas said. What happens when you give your kids a 'Yes Day'Įducators “are recognizing that people come to school at different levels, and we have an obligation to help them all achieve at their optimal levels. Shutterstock ID 281486129 Job: - FIREMN/Shutterstock A high-performing child needs this just as much as her peers, he explained, and research shows that she will suffer if she doesn’t receive it.Ĭute child with Dandelion flowers in spring meadow. “We know kids will not grow intellectually and cognitively if they are not stretched a little bit and supported with scaffolding to get there,” Islas said. René Islas, executive director of the National Association for Gifted Children, said it would be a mistake for parents to let their children pursue their gifts on their own. Should we leave these children alone with their gifts and talents, allowing them to pursue their interests on their own terms? Or should we intervene? But it can be a bit harder to navigate when a child is gifted.įew among us want to be accused of raising a special snowflake, but sometimes, those snowflakes reveal themselves as a little special. This is clearly the case with children with physical or mental disabilities or emotional disorders. Why extracurriculars make parents miserableĬhildren need freedom, yes, but they also need us, their ostensibly wiser guardians, to pay attention to their particular needs and help them meet them.
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